• Tony Birkhead


Handle #4- We Always Shield Ourselves from Secrecy!


You cannot build a Godly marriage on the foundation of secrecy. If we are not careful it can become easier and easier to keep things from our spouses to a point where it begins to erode the relationship. Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy!


Genesis 2:24-25

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. 25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Genesis 3:6-10

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” 10 He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

Ephesians 5:8-11,13

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10 and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.

But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light.

2 Corinthians 7:10-11

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done.


How does it make you feel when you are left out of a secret? How do you feel when you know a secret someone else doesn’t?

Why do you think Adam hid from God in the Garden?

How would you describe what shame and secrecy can do to relationships? Why do you think this happens?

Have you ever experienced the power of confession, forgiveness, and grace? Can you share some of your story?

What could you do to eliminate temptation before it happens?


Jesus, thank You for being the perfect sacrifice for our sins. Holy Spirit, give us the strength we need to resist temptation. Show us the sin we need to cut out of our lives so that we can be children of the light. Amen!


  • Tell your spouse and/or someone you trust about any areas you’re feeling shame or struggling with purity.

  • Memorize Proverbs 28:13.

  • Check out www.covenanteyes.com to help create accountability


Genesis 2:24-25

2:24-25 God’s timeless design for marriage is declared here. The one flesh relationship certainly involves sexual union, but also includes a husband and wife coming together in spiritual, mental, and emotional harmony. Because the devastating effects of sin had not yet ravaged nature or humanity, there was no need for clothing. Adam and Eve could live without the barriers needed to shield them from their environment and each other without a sense of shame.

Genesis 3:6-10

Since the woman did not die when she touched the fruit—in contradiction to what she had thought God said (v. 3.)—she ate it. Though Adam was with her at the time, he did nothing to stop her. Perhaps he wanted to eat of it as much as the woman did, but fearing the consequences, used his wife as a “guinea pig” to make sure it would not cause instant death. As the serpent had indicated, the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew, but instead of producing godlike power, the knowledge brought only a sense of human inadequacy, fear, and shame.

God took the initiative in reaching out to sinful humanity. This pattern—humanity sinning, then God seeking out sinners—becomes the primary theme of the rest of the Bible. Its ultimate expression is found in Jesus Christ, who came to seek and to save people alienated from God because of their sin; in Him God once again walked on the earth in search of sinners.

When Adam heard God, he was afraid. Rather than walking with God as righteous men of later generations would do, Adam hid from Him. Through the use of two direct questions God brought Adam to accountability for his sin (v. 11). God does not overlook sin, but He can be gently firm in confronting it. Adam answered neither of God’s questions. Instead he sought to shift the blame for his sin first to the woman, and then to God. The woman passed the blame to the serpent and admitted that prior to eating, she was deceived (v. 13).

Ephesians 5:8-13

5:8-10. It would be a gross inconsistency for a Christian to participate in the flagrant sins of non-Christians. The Ephesian Christians were once just like those who are disobedient. But no longer! Rather than doing deeds of immorality, impurity, and greed, they should do deeds of goodness, righteousness, and truth. Christians are no longer darkness, but children of light. Therefore, we should do deeds of light, not darkness. Only as you walk in God’s light can you please Him. 5:11-14. Not only ought we not to do the same sins as those who are disobedient, but we should try to expose them. If a Christian lives in flagrant, unrepentant sin, the church is to try to get them to turn from their sin (see Matt. 18:15-20; Gal. 6:1). Sins are exposed by shining light into sin’s darkness. An amazing thing happens. Darkness can no longer hide its nature and acts in secret. All is exposed to light. Light that makes everything visible brings an even more radical element. Light turns darkness into light. This is the church’s mission. Whether the people in darkness are church members or society members, the goal is to transform them completely from darkness to light.

2 Corinthians 7:10-11

7:10-14. Paul outlines genuine repentance and that which brings great sorrow over sin and leads to salvation. Faith and repentance coupled together lead to initial repentance, but there also is a need for continued faith and repentance as God restores and renews a believer in purity. Repentance is a heartfelt sorrow for sin, a renouncing of it, and a sincere commitment to forsake it and walk in obedience to Christ. Repentance, like faith, is an intellectual understanding that sin is wrong, an emotional approval of the teachings of Scripture regarding sin (a sorrow for sin and a hatred of it), and a personal decision to turn from it (a renouncing of sin and a decision of the will to forsake it and lead a life of obedience to Christ instead). Genuine repentance will always result in a changed life. However, we should never require that there be a period of time in which a person actually lives a changed life before we give assurance of forgiveness. Repentance is something that occurs in the heart and involves the whole person in a decision to turn from sin.

#love #Relationship #promise #purity

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